Welcome to night one of The Bachelorette with Nichole. For the next few weeks I will be giving my initial thoughts and review of the latest episode on what we can expect to be (please read in Chris Harrison’s voice) “THE MOST DRAMATIC SEASON IN BACHELORETTE HISTORY”. So here we go with night one!!!

I have been an avid Bachelor/Bachelorette fan for many years and never did I think we would have two bachelorettes AT ONCE. My initial thoughts: What happens when the other girl gets voted off and the guy who voted for “gone girl” is stuck with the one he didn’t want? And better yet.. what happens when he makes it to the final few because lets face it we all know that is coming.

Kaitlyn vs. Brit definitely better than Mayweather vs. Pacquiao

Chris trying to justify why they are using two girls instead of one is the most painful thing I have ever watched. Why doesn’t he just call it like it is, “The guys think they are both hot soooo lets bring them both on and embarrass the other one for good ratings.”

Taylor Swift definitely based her new music video for Bad Blood off of the first night of this Bachelorette season. Too bad there are no nunchucks now that would make things way more interesting. I’ll be sure to suggest that to Chris on twitter later.

Oh dear Lord please tell me they pick Brit. This girl Kaitlyn’s voice..I don’t think I can handle a full season of that.

Now we meet the men and hear their stories. YES. THIS IS WHY I WATCH.

Wait why does this Josh guy look so familiar. Surely he has been on this show before? WOAH HE IS A STRIPPER?!!!! PLOT TWIST.

Oh gosh…Brady the musician. “I have always had melodies inside me” NO. He is lying girls he is on the show to get a record deal. Which he won’t..because he can’t sing…

Another farmer?! NO. All the farmers like Kaitlyn for some reason. Maybe it’s because she talks slow like them. Oh correction he is a welder.

Ian was hit by a car. That is basically all you need to know. Oh and he likes to take long walks on the beach in black skinny jeans..which will inevitably show sand and be freaking hot.

This guy, Jared, just called himself “loveman the superhero”… and he dresses his dog in a cape.

Oh brother.. Tony loves Yoga. HE TALKS TO PLANTS. HE LITERALLY JUST KISSED A PLANT. Hmm I wonder why he single? I don’t think the plants will be ok with him kissing a woman on tv. But he has really great hair…like REALLY great hair.

Ben loves cross fit. Ben likes to talk about cross fit.

Not really impressed with the guys so far…

Now it is time for the girls to get to the house. Two limos? Really? Way to waste gas.

I choose Brit. PLEASE GUYS CHOOSE BRIT.

Here we go limo number one.

Ben H- Yes I like you. A LOT

Jonathan…we met him earlier. He is really chatting up Brit. Good sign.

Clint- Meh, slightly resembles Charlie Hunnam.

Ryan B. “Hi Disney Princess..” For real dude.

Jared “Loveman” – ugh he is trying to talk to both girls at once. AWK. HE WORE THE SUPERHERO SHIRT SERIOUSLY. GO AWAY NO.

Kupah – nothing to note

Kaitlyn is already crying..Girl get it together.

Commercial break thoughts: I REALLY LIKE BEN H. And if I was on this show and a guy voted for the other girl that got sent home and I found out about it he would be gone the next night. Bye Bye.

And we’re back with limo of hot men number 2.

Enter the musician.

Kaitlyn stop eavesdropping. That is so rude.

Cory- yes the Texas boy. Mmm yes I like you.

Ian- really likes Kaitlyn…I really don’t like him.

JJ- ohhhh hockey player. and theres the hockey pun… nope. But he is cute.

Ryan M.- NO. Calling it now, he is the first one to get drunk.

Bradley- why the freak does he have on a headband. You are not Harry Styles. SO NO.

Daniel- CANNOT DANCE

Josh- and hes stripping…..

Joe – homeboy brought moonshine…

Justin – sucked up helium out of balloon…

WHERE DID THEY FIND THESE LOSERS

Tanner- What a perfect gentleman. I like you.

Shawn B- He loves Brit. I am a fan. WOAH. HE JUST TOLD KAITLYN YOU ARE THE REASON I AM HERE. YOU JUST CRUSHED BRIT. NO LONGER A FAN GO HOME.

Kaitlyn just went into the house….SHE IS CHEATING. GUYS THIS IS A SIGN SHE WILL CHEAT ON YOU TOO. SEND HER HOME.

Limo number 3:

David- meh

Corey- gross

Tony- Yoga man. Really your hair is just great. WOAH HE LITERALLY JUST SAID THE EXACT SAME THING TO BOTH GIRLS. WAY TO BE ORIGINAL SENSEI.

Ryan M is already trashed…refer to my comments about him earlier.

Uhhhhh what is happening. THIS GUY JUST DROVE UP IN A HOT TUB CAR. Shawn E: occupation- amateur sex coach. I wish I could make this up.

Now someone pulled up in a giant cupcake. What is happening. Chris- Oh jeeze he is gorgeous. Cheesy but holy wow his smile is dreamy. LOVE ME.

Joshua – the welder…

Ben Z- loves cross fit remember?

(side note: why are there always 1,000 guys named Ben)

All the men have arrived!

Kaitlyn likes to talk in third person. Kaitlyn likes to tell jokes. KAITLYN NEEDS TO GO FREAKING HOME.

Atta girl Brit way to be classy, beautiful, and real.

OMG BEN H SPONSORS CHILDREN. I SPONSOR CHILDREN. WE ARE SO IN LOVE. I mean him and Brit would be great together…I guess.

Josh the stripper is still throwing me off. I have seen him on something before. REVEAL YOURSELF.

Voting room time. Its like The Bachelorette meets Survivor.

Wow Tony is so freaking weird. “The energy pulsating from the box made me choose Brit” Where in the world did they find him?!

Ben H. is holding Kaitlyn’s hand…NO.

Ryan M……. what a disaster. LOL at all the guys trying to rescue Brit from him. I think Ryan and Kaitlyn would be great together. and he took all of his clothes off and got in the pool…

Uh ohhhhhh CHRIS IS PISSED. YES CHRIS SEND HIM HOME. BYE BYE RYAN!

Chris the Dentist. I really like you why did you choose Kaitlyn ugh.

Oh wait the musician… is a Christian..and played in the minors for the Cardinals…I retract all previous comments.

Time to tally the votes..OMG THERE ARE 24 GUYS BECAUSE RYAN M. IS GONE. CALLING IT NOW THERE IS A TIE.

AND YOUR 2015 BACHELORETTE IS…

DRUM ROLL….

WAIT FOR REAL WE DON’T FIND OUT TONIGHT. ANGER. SO MUCH ANGER.

Final thoughts:

There were like 3 guys who I thought were decent. Especially Ben H. LOVE. And It may take two to make a thing go right, but in the case of the bachelorette it makes it really wrong.

Tune into tomorrow for my thoughts on night two of The Bachelorette premiere and the reveal of the Bachelorette!

With love from me to you,

Nichole